Teaching boys

     I'm not sure if you have noticed, but there aren't many female teachers out there who understand little boys. I used to teach High School English, Speech, and Debate. I also worked for several years in my boys classrooms. I have taught Sunday School. I have boys. I teach my boys. I have a hard time understanding them sometimes :)

     In second grade Cameron had a female teacher. She had no children, never married, was an only child, and I believe she was detrimental to my child for a period of time.  Clearly she had little experience with boys. This teacher and her negative effect on my child was the main reason the idea of homeschool 'popped' into my head.  As I have stated before, I never thought we would be a homeschool family. I never had a desire to homeschool. But here I had this precious 7 year who started off the year by running to me at the end of each school day, excited to share with me, and within no time he became a complete introvert. He was so quiet, and he constantly had the look of defeat on his face. It broke my heart. She was breaking my child. The previous year, in first grade, he had a male teacher. Not only did he have a male teacher, but he had a male teacher who truly appreciated him. This teacher rewarded Cameron's hard work, and in turn, that caused Cameron to work harder. Needless to say, the difference in my child within a year was astounding. I could go on and on, and on about our situation, but, it is what it was :)

I believe teaching boys in a classroom setting does not provide you with the same knowledge or familiarity as having sons, or being raised with boys. Boys are different. Verrrrrry different. Sometimes I feel like my four boys are from a different planet :) But back to the topic at hand, not only did my sons teacher not understand or appreciate little boys, but the school had a no run, hands-off policy as well. No running on the playground? Is that even legal? My boys are fairly well behaved, and they enjoy learning... but they REQUIRE movement. Lots of movement helps little boys to sit quietly in class. 

     Teachers who don't understand little boys and the need for them to burn lots of energy look at it as ADD, or ADHD. I'm not saying there aren't those students out there, I'm just saying that a good portion of them are probably just busy little boys who are misunderstood. 
     Or, maybe your little boy who started at age 4 isn't as mature as the older kids in his class.  This article is really interesting and talks about the misdiagnosis of ADHD.
http://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2010/nearly-1-million-children-potentially-misdiagnosed-with-adhd/

     The other day in the car (while shopping alone) I listened to an audio I purchased at a homeschool convention several years ago, it was by Andrew Pudewa, titled "Teaching boys and other children who would rather make forts all day".  If you're not familiar with Andrew Pudewa, he is the founder and director of The Institute for Excellence in Writing. The reason it took me two years to listen to the CD was because I thought it would be boring (and that he would be nerdy).  It was hilarious! It provided me with such a better understanding of teaching my boys. 

     The past two years I have taught my boys, I encouraged them to use a lot of descriptive words in their writing. Adjectives are the key to writing, I told them. Well. After listening to this CD I realized how wrong I had been. Pudewa used the example of asking a little girl and a little boy to draw a picture. What does the girl draw? Nouns. Lots of beautifully colored nouns; horses, faces, flowers. What does the boys draw? Something in pencil or a dark crayon. When you ask what it is (because it's hard to tell) he proceeds to tell you how it is a spaceship that just rocketed from earth very fast, it hit a star, and it blew up into a million pieces, and... Notice the difference? The boys picture/writing = verbs and adverbs. The girls picture/writing is nouns and adjectives. 

    It seems as though our schools are geared toward effectively teaching girls.  Most of the teachers are female, and those female teachers generally tend to favor the female students. 

This is a short YouTube clip of Pudewa discussing "Teaching boys and other..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzaFZ2CRQZU

     I am going to try to encourage my boys to use more adverbs in their writing this school year :) I think they will appreciate it.  


     Love this quote from an article I found;
How much Ritalin could remain on the shelves if we created schools that are ready for boys rather than boys who are ready for schools?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lori-day/why-boys-are-failing-in-a_b_884262.html
It's from an article titled "Why Boys Are Failing in an Educational System Stacked Against Them".
     Here's another article regarding how the school system is failing young boys;
Failing a generation of American boys - http://spectator.org/archives/2013/03/13/failing-a-generation-of-americ


     This is a book I have (I have read bits and pieces and agree with a good portion of it). - http://www.amazon.com/The-Trouble-Boys-Surprising-Educators/dp/0307381293

     This is clearly a topic that I could write a lot about, but you get the picture :) If you have a son, be overly involved in what is going on his classroom.  Educate yourself. It make require you to take the initiative and be proactive in your sons education to ensure his success. 

My 'wilder-men' love to be busy outside

                                                              they enjoy 'roughing it'

                                                                      they like to fish

                                                        they love shooting bow and arrows

                                                        setting bear traps in the wilderness

                                and their favorite thing might be fire. or maybe poking sticks in fire...

                                                              or maybe shooting things...

Tired mama

When the boys were younger I thought I was tired.  It was a different kind of tired. It was the kind of tired in which a 2 year old and 7 month old keep you on your toes all day.  

Now, not only are we busy with sports, but because I homeschool (all 3 boys now), I often feel exhausted with the pressure of being their educator. I love being home with them, I love teaching them, but I do get exhausted.  I pore over curriculum options, I make lesson plans, I teach them the subjects, and I grade their papers. I make them breakfast and lunch, and try to keep them from starting a war during recess. I wash their sports gear, lay it out, feed them pre-practice dinner (we call it dinner #1), make water jugs, watch them at practice, and then come home to make 2nd dinner, showers, bed, and damage control, etc.  

This is no joke, as soon as I put them in bed and sit down on the sofa, I breathe a big sigh of relief.  I thought my days of pure exhaustion were over now that there are no little ones waking us (correction, waking ME) throughout the night.  But to be honest with you, sometimes I feel more tired now.  It's probably because I'm older :) 
I believe mental exhaustion is a different kind of tired.  Before it was just "no-no's", now it more serious, 'big' boy issues that need need to be dealt with.  The heart attitude of our boys is so important. 
My oldest (he'll be 11 in October) recently started rolling his eyes and mumbling under his breath. Not okay. But I can't just snap at him and discipline him for it.  I want for that type of behavior to be repulsive to him. That's possibly a bit dramatic for a 10 year old, but what I mean is, I want him to feel uncomfortable with that kind of behavior.
We are fairly strict parents. Well, that's what I think. To be honest with you, I'm sure there are others who look at us and have completely different opinions :)  For instance, our boys are "the only boys in the world without a phone".  Once we explained to our boys (a few times) why they wouldn't be getting phones anytime soon, they have come to realize it's not okay for them to keep asking. My reasoning: there are several, but the main being Internet access. Yes, I know, you can block it, but I still don't like it.  Another rule we have is that they are not allowed to LOOK at other peoples phones or ipods.  Oh, so strict! you say... Well, sadly, there have been many young boys 8, 9, and 10 who we have heard or seen viewing highly inappropriate material. So sad. Do you check your kids browsing history? YouTube history? You might want to. 
Another way we are strict; we don't allow our boys to go to other kids homes. There have been very few exceptions to this rule.  We rarely allow sleepovers at our home (this is kind of a newer rule this year). My reasoning for this is because there's generally not a lot of good that happens after a certain time of night. Thankfully our boys are still young, and it's not been a problem yet, but we figure it's a good time to implement this rule.  (They are allowed to stay at their grandparents.) The boys are completely fine with these rules.  They know that we have a home that will always be open to their friends.  We want to be the 'hangout' home.  We don't care if kids come hang out in our game room, raid the fridge, or play football in the street. 

Raising a young boy to acquire admirable qualities is not for the faint of heart.  It is a daily decision. It requires daily prayer. It requires constant instruction. It requires you to be a consistent example. That is so hard sometimes! I can't tell you how many times I have had to look my boys in the eyes and say "Mommy is so sorry. I did not handle that well at all. I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?". It's exhausting, and I fail. A lot. 

Sometimes I look at one of my boys and think "Who are you? Where did you come from? Did I act like this as a child?" Often times I worry about a character trait they have that does not represent God.  It makes this mommy heart sad. But, I want to instruct them in a manner that is not forceful in those areas. I don't want to threaten them into being something because that's what I want. I want them to be more like Christ because they love Him.  

 It can be completely overwhelming to be a mother. Just when you think you have a little bit of a routine down, it gets completely thrown out of whack.  I always think of numerous things I would like to be doing more of as a mom. Things I need to teach them. Things I need to talk to them about.  Ways I need to pray for them. Special time I want to spend with them. It's easy to get caught up in our failures.  
I had ALOT of failures this week. Like, a ton. Our first day of school was on Monday. We have a 5th grader, 4th grader, and Kindergartner. 20 minutes into our school day, 2 out of 3 were in tears. I felt like joining them.  It was a rough day.  It didn't help that an hour into school, my middle son had an ortho appointment. He is in the process of getting braces, so it had to be done.  I also had to take my oldest to the chiropractor that morning.  He injured his neck the week before (he woke up 'crooked'), and after the chiro evaluated him, he said his injury was much worse than he thought at his prior evaluation a few days before. His back and neck were locked, he was having near constant neck spasms, and had apparently damaged the tissue in his neck. He's 10. Worrying about him and worrying about making the right decisions regarding him playing football = stressful moment.  We had to do several exercises for him throughout the day to drain fluid and help loosen things up.  We didn't finish school until 3:30 that day. Not fun. Scheduling appointments during school hours is not something I generally do. (Ordinarily I don't even answer the phone.) All of that scheduling nonsense was a bad idea on my part, but we made it!
Tuesday, I had an appointment that had been scheduled two months prior, to receive breast thermography (?). My mother in law, sister in law, and I went.  I have a fairly strong family history of breast cancer, being that my mom was diagnosed in her forties, and my maternal grandmother was diagnosed last year. The appointment was also during the middle of the morning, so it was another late school day for us. 
Wednesday my sweet grandpa was scheduled to come over at 1pm to talk to my boys about the importance of a strong mental game while playing sports. We scrambled to get done before he arrived, but didn't quite make it. Another late/long day of school.  
Thursday, our educational specialist came over at 1pm to test the boys and discuss the school year. Another long day, but much smoother :) 
Friday morning I had an OB/G appointment (scheduled several months ago). My hubs was able to swing by home and watch the boys during my appointment and EVEN do school with them. Wow! What a great guy :) He said it was really fun.  We didn't even finish all of our work Friday though, because I had to end up taking my little sister to the doctor and then to the ER.  She is 13 weeks preggo and was in the ER the night before for an apparent allergic reaction, but they thought it sounded more like a stroke.  Her hubby stayed home to watch her little ones, and most of our family was out of town, so I went with her.  Thankfully the MRI showed no stroke, but she still had weakness/numbness in her left arm, tongue, and left side of face. ScArY. 
Saturday = football day.  Our oldest was given the all clear to play (yesterday afternoon), much to my relief. My boys love football :) My husband coaches and is on the board, so it's always a long day, especially for him, but for some reason, I'm usually the most exhausted at the end of the day. 

I'm definitely not the busiest mom out there. I'm not the most stressed. Our life runs fairly smoothly and we are so blessed by amazing family who live nearby.  I have a husband who helps put kids to bed or shoos me out the door when he sees I'm stressed. But yet I still allow myself to sweat the small stuff. I still allow life to exhaust me. I have no clue why I do this. I even know I'm doing it! 
I worry about school, am I teaching them effectively? how can I help my oldest to not be so fearful? how can I help him to have a more kind and loving heart? how can I help my middle to not have such emotional breakdowns? how can I help my youngest to control his anger at his brothers? how can I fix them healthier meals? how can I spend more time with God? did I remember to pray for their future wife? their future friends? how can I be a better wife? how can I get more sleep? are the boys getting enough sleep? did I remember to pay all the bills? who is on snack duty this week so I can give them a heads up... Did I remember to wash the uniforms? 
You moms know the routine :) From grocery shopping, to laundry, to dishes, to cleaning, to scheduling appointments, to being a taxi, helping with homework, being a referee, being a cook, paying bills, cleaning out the fridge, and soooooooo much more, it's exhausting.  My encouragement to you, try not to let it overwhelm you.  We have an insane sock problem in our home. I literally have a basket full of lonely socks. Drives. Me. Crazy.  However, I try to have the mentality that it's not always going to be this way.  I'm not always going to have someone asking 100 questions.  I'm not always going to have 3 little boys that want to cuddle me when my to-do list is pages long. I'm not always going to have to deep clean the toilets like this.  This stage of life will fly by. It is flying by. Try to find joy in each role you play as a mom.  Allow your children to see you finding JoY in these different situations.  Don't allow them to always see you being stressed or exhausted. (I'm totally guilty of that.)  Let them see your joy :) 

At the Boardwalk... they mostly enjoy playing arcade games and trying to win tickets to buy 'prizes'. Pretty sure my husband is the biggest kid of all when it comes to these kinds of things ;)

                        He wanted his face painted so bad! He was extremely proud of 'spiderman' :)

            Our boys playing football, courtesy of the best team photographer EVER! (Mr. Stime)