Fiery February Part 3



Tynlee Anne




so adorable!




My girls



my amazing little loves :)

     Jessica, Stephen, Steve, Karen, Pam (mom), and I were in the room when the "driver" came in to go over risks (it was rainy weather, possible car accident, possibility of having to intubate Tynlee), sign paperwork, etc.  Shortly after that, sweet Tynlee was wheeled to Jessica's room in what looked like a mini-rocket ship.  It took 2 men to wheel her in it and it seemed like it was 5 or 6 feet long.  It contained several oxygen tanks, and hundreds of other tricky contraptions.  It was time for Jessica to say good-bye.  We thought it would be a good idea to give the family of 3 a quiet minute alone, however, while we stepped outside the room, the driver, the rocket ship pushers, and the lady who would be riding with Tynlee remained in the room.  I felt bad because it felt like such an invasion of their privacy.  Thankfully Jessica was happy to spend any second she could with her baby.  The next moment I witnessed was extremely difficult to watch... when Stephen told Jess good-bye.  It was so sad! It was almost impossible for me to hold it together as I watched my sister sob and my brother-in-law hold her and reassure her.  

     The night had been filled with moments in which I didn't have words for.  Moments when I felt completely overwhelmed, and then completely filled with God's peace.  I know those were the moments in which people were praying for our family, and I can't begin to thank you enough for those prayers you sent our way.  People that I didn't even know told me that they were praying! It was awesome, comforting, and extremely reassuring.

     It wasn't until I got in the truck to head home around 1am when I had a ridiculous sob fest.  It both sounded and felt like I was wailing.  I had no words to say, but I trusted God knew my heart.  It was time for every single thing I had held inside for the last 7 hours to come out.  The most amazing thing was, that the closer I got to home the more my sobs became praises.  It was such a comforting experience to begin thinking about the details of the night and the way they played out.  1. Jessica was induced early, and if she hadn't been, the growth would have continued to grow at the same rate as the baby.  2. Tynlee's arms came out, meaning emergency c-section.  Had she delivered naturally, it might have risked being ruptured, or further damage.  3. The growth grew outward, not inward, hindering her breathing.  4. Stanford is so close to us! 

     I was completely hoarse by the time I got home to the amazing blessing of my 4 boys.  My sweet husband had been at work since 2:45 that morning, but he waited up for me, to hold me and comfort me. 

     There are so many more details to this story, so I will try to  fill in the blanks later! Thankfully Jessica, Stephen, and Tynlee spent their very first day at their home today.   I know they are exhausted, but still counting their blessings.

     2 more quick things, on Monday as I was leaving the hospital my grandfather and I crossed paths... he had to bring my Grandma Bev to the ER, worried about an infection in her foot.  The ER doc said she had just been on it too much, however, yesterday she found out she had an infection in her bone.  She is having a hard time walking and appears to be in a lot of pain.   Please continue your prayers for her that the infection would heal quickly and not cause damage. 

   And, lastly, yesterday we found out that my dear Grandma Jo, DOES have breast cancer.  I feel so bad for the emotional ups and downs she has been through, but amazed by her positive attitude.  She will have another surgery (she had one last Friday) in two weeks and then begin radiation.  So, please pray for her also. 

     Thank you so much for your thoughts, prayers, and concern for our family during this time.  I am so, so blessed, and I fall more in love with my Savior every day!

Fiery February Part 1

     Let me begin by stating that although this has been an emotionally draining month for our family, it (thankfully) has not been a tragic one.  I know that there are thousands of people who go through much worse on a daily basis, and many of those with heartbreaking outcomes, so while we have had many humbling moments this month, we know that God's hand of protection has been over us the whole entire time.   I cannot begin to describe the blessing of having a close-knit family and the blessing of a family who relies on God.  I don't understand how people can get through difficult times without the assurance that God is in control, and without the power of prayer.  

   

    When I picked up my 2 older boys from school on Monday (Jan 31st) my sweet Logan (6) was running a high fever and just wanted to be held by mommy.  He didn't really have any other symptoms, and because when sick, his fevers can spike at 104-105, I wasn't overly concerned.  While I love the extra cuddles I get to give my boys when they aren't feeling well, it hurts my heart when my babies are sick.   Although he felt crummy and stayed home from school the rest of the week, he finally started feeling much better on Saturday. 

     That Tuesday (Feb 1), we found out that my Grandma Jo (maternal grandmother) had breast cancer.  Thankfully it was caught early and was a slow- growing cancer, the doctors said.  My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years prior, so I will admit, it definitely got me thinking about how this might increase my chances.  God gently reminded me through scripture that He was in control, and that my focus should never be on the "what-ifs". 

     That weekend was my sister Jessica's baby shower, and as we were decorating Friday, my mom got a call from Jessica stating that she would be staying overnight at the hospital because of episodes of high blood pressure and a low platelet count.  Because her guest list was upwards of 70 people it would have been nearly impossible to contact the guests to cancel, so we figured it best to hold the shower as planned, and if Jessica was unable to make it, we would feed the guests, and hold a special prayer time for her instead.  Thankfully by the time she had her 2nd set of lab work Saturday morning, her platelet count had increased.  She was released and allowed to go to her shower (better late than never!), but it was to be strict bed-rest after that.  

     The following weekend Mark, the boys and I traveled to UCSF to be with my Grandma Bev (paternal grandmother) while she would undergo a serious operation.  My sweet, amazing grandma only weighs 74 lbs, and they were going to attempt to put a stent in her carotid artery, while trying to avoid a growing abdominal aortic aneurysm.  The surgery took place on Valentine's Day, which I think caused my grandfather (maybe all of us) to be extra emotional, and while we worried about her, we felt very at peace.  We were given the opportunity to pray with her before, and we prayed for the surgeon as well, who said she really appreciated it! The surgery was successful, and after a blood transfusion on Tuesday, my grandma was able to go home on Wednesday. 

     The day before my Grandma Bev came home, my beautiful Grandma Jo visited the surgeon to discuss treatment and was told that she did not have breast cancer.  While we rejoiced in this, we were all a little confused as to how this was misdiagnosed. 



Porter Great Grandparents (to my boys)



   Wednesday, the day my Grandma Bev came home, my sister Jessica was admitted to the hospital, again it was high blood pressure and low platelets.   She was monitored Wednesday and Thursday, and then it was decided she would be induced starting Friday morning.  They administered cervidil several times, but by Friday night she had made no progress. Saturday morning they started with pitocin, and again, by early evening, it was discouraging to hear there was still no progress.  However, no sooner had the mid-wife left the room when Jessica's water broke.  30 minutes after her water broke the nurse checked her and made a startling revelation... it seemed like Tynlee was trying to hold her hand! Another nurse came in to verify, and sure enough, Tynlee had one arm (up to her elbow) out, and one hand out. 

my precious niece

Fiery February Part 2

    I had been at my in-laws house when my mother frantically called and said "Emergency c-section, Tynlee's hand is out!".  By the time I processed the info, she was already off the phone.  I made it to the hospital in record time, praying the whole way, still shocked that it went from nothing, to crazy in a few short minutes.  I was upset and worried because Jessica's platelet counts were barely high enough to give her a spinal, yet that's what she was being given, and they were going off of labs that had been done that morning.  We quietly waited in the waiting room at DMC for news.  When Stephen opened the door with his scrubs on, I started to stand up, excited for news, but he looked at my mom and Karen and said "you two, come with me".  

     About 15-20 (?) minutes later my dad and Steve were asked to go back.  We were informed that Tynlee was here, weighing in at 5lbs, 5oz, and Jessica was good, but I felt a little baffled, because it didn't feel like the rejoicing you do when a newborn makes its entrance.  Probably another 15 minutes passed (no sense of time at this point, especially because my phone was broken), and Stephen came out to talk to us.  He was extremely serious and extremely mature in the way he handled everything.  He reassured us that Tynlee and Jess were doing great, Tynlee's vitals were very good, and she was very healthy but she had a tumor like growth coming out of her mouth, and the doctors here had never seen anything like it before.  Therefore, she would be transferred to Stanford Children's Hospital for further evaluation, and her ambulance would be arriving shortly.  Stephen encouraged us to be strong for Jessica, because not only had she gone through everything that was the exact opposite of her birthing plan, but she was now going to be separated from her baby and her husband for an unknown amount of time.    

     Because I am 11 years older than Jessica, I have always felt extremely maternal and protective toward her.  Having 3 children of my own, I couldn't even imagine what she was facing or about to face.  And then, as I watched my dad walk out of the waiting room doors looking defeated and completely vulnerable, it broke my heart.  It literally crushed me.  He had been through so much lately, he had been at the hospital with his parents for 6 straight days, and the day his mom was released his baby girl was admitted.  Not too many months ago, he himself had a stent put in, so of course I worried about his health also.  How much stress would his body be able to take?  As with the other events of the night, I could only give it to God. 

     When I finally called Mark about 15 minutes after Stephen spoke with us, I allowed myself a short minute to break down to the comforting words of my husband.  He felt helpless, as we all did, but it was of greater comfort for me to have him be with our 3 boys rather than me at that time.  I asked him to not pass on the details of what was happening yet, because for one, I didn't know exactly myself what on earth was going on, and more importantly #2, in no way at all did I want word to somehow get back to Jessica and cause her any more worry or fear.  Only those of us there had even a slight clue as to what was going on, and trust me, we had NO IDEA as to how to process the information.  It was so surreal for all of us.  It seems a little silly now, but because emotions were so high, and because my brother and I had tried for 40 unsuccessful minutes to contact his wife, we also worried about her.  Jeffrey even left the hospital to go home and check on her.  She hadn't received the news about what was happening yet, and she was out in the country, all by herself, so, for a few minutes I worried about her and my nephews too.  Turns out her phone had completely stopped working for a while! And again, I was gently reminded that God was in control.

     About that time my mom came out to tell me I would be able to see my sister.  I had to be extra sure that I would remain composed and upbeat for her.  She looked radiant, not at all like she just had an emergency c-section! I tried my best to avoid talking about Tynlee, because I didn't know how she would react, but I was amazed by her stability when we did finally talk about it.  About an hour later I was asked to share in the joy of getting to see Tynlee down in the NICU.  I even got to hold her!!  My heart melted, and as her auntie I wanted to protect her from everything I absolutely could, especially the unknown that was facing her.   She was so beautiful and my heart broke for her and this thing she had to deal with for so long.  How long had it been since she had been able to fully close her sweet little lips? Was it painful for her? So many unanswered questions, yet God's resounding answer,  Isaiah 41:10; "Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

     As soon as my mom and I walked out the NICU doors I allowed myself to cry again, this time for only 15 seconds, because I feared that Jess would see my tears and worry more.  We walked back up and I was easily able to proclaim how absolutely beautiful she was and that she looked so much like Stephen and Jessica! Now it was just a waiting game, and the more we waited, the more peaceful I felt about everything.  I think it was around 11:30 pm when Tynlee's "vehicle" arrived to chauffeur her away to an amazing medical staff at Stanford. 

Jessica and Stephen

my parents with the grandkids (there are already 2 more!)